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Why can't I get through to them: the Influence Equation

Thursday, November 5th, 8 am Pacific / 11 am Eastern

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Our special guest this week, Prof Stevenson Carlebach
will present on:

Why can't I get through to them: the Influence Equation

Most of us instinctively approach influence as if persuasion were the primary variable. All of our effort goes into improving the pitch. We refine the message, strengthen the argument, adjust the tone. But if resistance is high, even excellent persuasion produces little movement. Without understanding what is blocking receptivity—we are essentially aiming in the dark.


The trap is cognitive, not moral. When we feel challenged, we tend to focus on defending our position rather than understanding their resistance. The impulse to push harder isn’t a character flaw—it’s a predictable human response. And because it’s predictable, it can be interrupted.


The Influence Equation offers a unified diagnostic framework for identifying the real sources of resistance—and for reducing it without manipulation or pressure. It shows readers how to manage what happens in their own minds under stress, so they can stay curious and effective when conversations start to harden. In a world where disagreement too often leads to shut down or escalation, The Influence Equation offers a practical way to stay in dialogue and find common ground.

When you’re thinking about where to donate, please consider supporting New London Area Food Bank

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Our presenter:

Stevenson Carlebach
His forthcoming book, The Influence Equation, will be published by W. W. Norton in 2028.

Professionally, Stevenson teaches mediation and influence at Harvard Law School’s Program on Negotiation and works with leaders and organizations facing difficult conversations and complex change. Over more than thirty years, he has taught, consulted, and coached in corporate, governmental, and international settings, including engagements with the White House, the Pentagon, the United Nations, and the World Bank. His clients include organizations such as Amazon, Microsoft, Pfizer, Goldman Sachs, Starbucks, American Express, Capital One, and IBM. Before the pandemic, Stevenson taught thousands of participants annually in programs across the United States, Europe, Australia, Asia, South America, and Africa. He continues to teach actively through Harvard Law School's Program on Negotiation and select professional
programs internationally.

Stevenson began his career in the theater as an actor, director, and acting teacher. There he learned that actors can know the theory and still struggle to produce believable behavior when the moment arrives. It isn’t enough to tell actors what to do— “be more present” or “listen more.” They need ways to work with their own thinking in real time, so they can reliably produce the behaviors they want when it matters.

When he later began working in negotiation and conflict management, he recognized the same challenge: people often know the right advice but struggle to apply it when the stakes are real. The Influence Equation grew out of his long-standing interest in how people learn to recognize resistance, diagnose what’s driving it, and turn that insight into actions they can carry out—and sustain—when it matters.

Across boardrooms, government agencies, classrooms, and families, Stevenson has observed the same underlying patterns emerge whenever people try to influence one another. Those patterns—and the predictable ways they break down under pressure—form the foundation of The Influence Equation.

As a single parent of six children—two teenagers and two young adults still living at home—Stevenson has daily (and sometimes hourly) opportunities to practice influence under real-world conditions. It has been a humbling education in what works, what backfires, and how quickly good intentions fall apart when resistance shows up.

Offered by Will Work For Food, founded by Natalie Armstrong-Motin, and moderated by Kimberly Best, Felicia Harris Hoss, Jeff Kichaven, Jean Lawler, and David Shraga.

This worldwide conversation will be like nothing else.  Join in!  Share, learn, have fun, and raise money for food banks.

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October 29

How to Disagree Better

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November 19

Why Some Mediations Succeed—and Others Don’t: A General Counsel’s Perspective